Bard Letsinger

How Aware are you?

What’s going on around you? Do you have a clue? In your job, you family, your life. How aware are you. Watch this short video and see if you can count how many times the team in white passes the ball.

The point is that we only see what we are looking for. As a motorcyclist I appreciate this PSA. Most people when they drive are not looking for bikers. So when you drive please look out for that guy (or gal) on a motorcycle, the live you save may be mine.

This applies not only to driving, but to life as well. What is going on in the lives of the people around you, your spouse, your kids. Don’t get so caught up in your own world that you miss something important going on around you. We can not see what is going on in our loved ones lives if we do not spend time with them, and don’t give me any lip about quality over quantity when spending time with your spouse and family. The fact is quantity is quality when it comes to spending time with your family. Don't let the moonwalking bear sneak up on you.

Surprise Date

Mollie completely surprised me on Friday with a date night. She left a note on my pillow that morning that I was a complete moron and did not read. Oh, I saw it, but just assumed it was a sweet note to get me out of the funk that I was in. I was enjoying being a grump so I was going to save it.

At 5:15 PM Mollie comes up to me all dressed up and says “I leaving”.

I am like “whoa, whoa, whoa, where are you going?!?”

Her reply, “I‘m going to pick up the sitter. If you would read your note you would know what is going on.”

Doh!! Here is what the note said “Would you like a night out with your wife? Would you like time for us to be alone? Would like a great dinner somewhere? Would you like to quit reading these questions and get to the point? If you said yes to any of these questions be ready tonight by 5:45 PM.”

Great, a date…oh great, I had less than half an hour to get ready!! Oh wait, I am a guy, thirty minutes to get dressed is an eternity. I was good to go before she got back and even had 23 minutes to spend on the computer.

We had a great evening. First we went to Greek Brothers for dinner. I love their steaks because they know the difference between Rare, Medium and Medium Well. Even better than the food was the conversation, Mollie and I got to sit across a table from each other and talk without anyone (i.e. the kids) interrupting us between sentences.

One of our unwritten date night rules is that we don’t do dinner and dessert in the same place so we dropped the top on our cute little car (which is awesome for date nights) and headed downtown to Longleaf Coffee & Bakery Company, our hometown coffee shop that has homemade cheesecake and pies that are incredible. We sat at a table outside on the sidewalk, watched the traffic come down main street and talked. Of course as we sat there we saw about eight people we knew.

When Longleaf closed about 9:30 PM we went cruising. Yes cruising, just like in high school. We drove through downtown, up Navarro, through Sonic, around the Mall, circled the movie theater, and then headed for Riverside Park. Back in high school the “bends” at the park were popular hangout spots. Today the “bends” at Riverside Park, “Grover’s Bend” now F.B. Lowery Dr & “Fox Bend” have been closed to vehicle traffic so the big loops we use to cruse are off limits, but you can still drive a little way down. We found a spot in Fox Bend, turned off the engine and just sat there, listening the frogs and the wind in the trees. With the top down on the car we could look up at the stars and the moon, see the deer (about 13 of them), and stare in amazement at all the lighting bugs. We also were constantly looking over our shoulders for the Ax Murderer we just knew was sneaking up on us as we sat there talking. That is what we did all evening , talk and reconnect. It was a great date.

The bottom line is relationships take work, even the best ones. Mollie and I have been together almost 23 years and we are no exception. As couples counselors here are some of Mollie’s and my rules for reconnecting and staying connected:

1. Have a date night at least once a month. Sometimes plan it together, but guys let me tell you, if you arrange the sitter, make the reservations, and plan out the whole evening for your wife it will usually end well for you…and yes that is exactly what I am saying.

2. Dinner should be at a restaurant that is not too loud so you can talk. This usually rules out any place with a live band.

3. When you go out you have to sit across the table from each other, so you can look at each other and talk. I can’t tell you how many times we have been out and seen a couple sitting in a booth next to each other and not say a word to one another the entire meal.

4. No Movies!!! I know you are saying “What!?!” There is no conversation in a movie, therefore no connecting. O.k., you can do a movie or the theater as long as you spend time at dinner before and dessert afterward in conversation.

So what do you do to reconnect? Do you have regular date nights or time away together? If you have not been on a date with your spouse in awhile I challange you to plan one this week and surprise them.

Say Cheese

Kailee, my soon to be four year old, has developed a sudden fascination with taking pictures. She has a little 35mm camera that she plays with but it is not loaded with any film (I bet most people under 15 don’t know what film is). This week she saw Mollie take some pictures with our digital camera and now Kailee wants to take “real” pictures. It took a while for her to get the hang of it, the hardest thing for Kailee was holding down the button long enough for the camera to take the picture. Today she came up to me with the digital camera while I was fixing dinner. It just so happened that I had a big block of cheddar in my hand when Kailee came up to me and said “say cheese”. I held it up and smiled and she snapped the picture. Maybe I have on my hands the next Anne Geddes, Annie Leibovitz or Ansel Adams (or maybe not, apparently one of the requirements to be a great photographer is for your name to began with “An”).

Successories vs. Demotivators

I was just pointed to a great website, Despair.com. They have things like the Pessimist’s Mug (it has a line to tell you when the glass is half empty), Despairwear T-shirts printed with things like “i > u” (think about it) and a product line that they call “Demotivators”. What is a Demotivator you ask? You know those pretty Successories motivational posters you see in some work places, well Demotivators are the kids that take the Successories lunch money, kicks sand in their face, steals their girl friend and gives them a power wedgie.

Here are examples from each company. First, Successories. Here is one of their popular prints of a cool lighting storm. I am going to go out on a limb and conclude that this represents the storms of life, every dark cloud has a silver lining, blah blah blah, something along those lines. The quote underneath the picture reads:

“Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but by how we react to what happens; not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst...a spark that creates extraordinary results."

Deep.

Now the Demotivators. Another cool lighting storm, but the quote speaks for it self. “Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lighting kills hundreds of people each year who try to find it.” Being an amateur storm chaser and someone who has personally had lighting strike 50 yards or less from them on seven occasions I can appreciate that quote.

Here is another Successories motivational poster you would see in stalkers homes across America, and in some offices too. It is a flower pushing up through the snow with the quote "Go over, go under, go around, or go through. But never give up."


Good for that guy looking for a cure for cancer but not so much for that guy who is in love with a girl who won’t give him the time of day. He tries everything to woo her to no avail. Well, Demotivators has two great posters for him.

How many times would it have been great to have these on your wall, look at your friend, give him a sympathetic “Dude” and just point to these demotivating posters. 

These just play into my warped since of humor. If you need a good laugh follow this link to the despair.com page with their Demotivoational posters. The examples here on my blog are not even some of the best ones. I found one I love and am going to order for my office. I will tell you about it next time, but for fun go to the dispair.com site and see if you can guess which one I am getting.

God's Fireworks

Recently at an Astros Game Braiden and I got to see their wonderful Friday Night Fireworks. This past weekend we experienced something even better, God’s Saturday Night Fireworks. A strong thunderstorm cell came in from the east and for over five hours, From about 9:00 pm until just after 2:00 am, we saw a lighting display like I have not seen in years. The lighting was literally nonstop, flashes upon flashes, sheet and streak lighting jumping from one cloud to another with all different colors, whites, blues and golds. We watched the lighting in the distance, tracking the storm on the laptop, for about an hour before we saw the first drops of rain. Braiden and I went out caught a little of on video. This will give you some idea what it was like, but it does not do it justice.

I love watching the weather. If I was not a pastor I think my dream job would be to be a storm chaser. No, actually it would be to take over Jim Cantore's job at The Weather Channel. One huricane season I was watching Jim onThe Weather Channel so much Mollie thought I was on the verge of become a stalker. (You are not offically a stalker until you have a website or blog devoted to that person...this is only one post and does not count). Jim has a great job, one day covering a blizzard in Montana, the next day a hurricane on the gulf coast.

I have a dream, it is a crazy dream, an unrealistic crazy dream, but it is my dream, What is it? My dream is to combine my love of the weather and my love of motorcycle and start the "Storm Riders", a storm chasing motorcycle ride group. We would ride all over Tornado Alley in the Mid-West chasing storm cells and trying to get a personal up close look at a twister. It would be just like the movie “Twister” just on Motorcycles and probably look something like this.

Well, maybe some dreams are better left unrealized.

The storm was just another reminder of how powerless we really are in this life and how powerful God really is. To think we can control the weather or have some major global influence over something like this is having a way too high opinion of ourselves.

Don't Mess With John Tesh !!!

Tonight, Thursday June 19, my good friend and former Parkway Interim Pastor Michael Smalley and his wife Amy will be appearing with John Tesh on TBN, I believe at 9:00 PM CST. (Channel 372 on Direct TV, Channel 119 or 260 on Dish Network). Our new pastor, Mike Hurt, posted an announcement on the Parkway Church Blog to inform everyone about Michael’s TV appearance with John Tesh and made an attempt at humor. It was a week attempt, mind you, but an attempt no less. John Tesh, the man, the myth, the legend, read the blog himself and responded with a comment. Apparently he was not amused. Mike immediately pulled the joke and apologized.

So John, if you are reading my blog, as a staff member of Parkway I want to let you know that welcome mat, the red carpet, and any one of our homes are open to you. (My first born is off the table...well...o.k….maybe we can negotiate). We would love to have you and we welcome you at Parkway. Your Red Rocks Concert was amazing, and my wife and I personally saw you in concert in The Woodlands, north of Houston at The Woodlands Pavilion and it was incredible. We had to leave early because our four years old son was way past his bed time, but not before you had us rolling laughing as you told the story of you getting in trouble with Connie for buying too many hair braid things for your daughter.

Some things you must take into consideration about Parkway. Michael Smalley was our Interim Pastor and with his since of humor he fit right in. In fact at times myself and our Worship Pastor out did him!!

So I must apologize at the first attempt at humor. I know you appreciate humor, (example Gib Gerard's daily updates on your website), love the bit where you took out "Christopher Walken" on WGN.

So please forgive the fist attempt. We did not mean to provoke the Tesh!!!  My good friend and our former worship pastor, Skip Mozisek, came up with some facts about you that I think few people know. (Little known fact, Skip did not resign to take another position at another church, he was actually fired after he misplayed a cord doing one of your songs during a worship service.)

 

According to Skip, “it does not pay to “tick off” THE TESH! He walks the unseen line between the Secular and Christian music world and can summon the powers of both to jack you up!

Top Ten Reasons not to mess with “The Tesh”

     1.     Tesh is Samurai.
2. Tesh is Jedi.
3. Tesh is Ninja
4. If you can see Tesh tread carefully… if you can’t see him you are seconds from death.
5. Tesh has a full military arsenal inside his grand piano.
6. Tesh survived many years of Mary Hart’s medussa like stare… he is like iron.
7. Tesh built “Red Rocks” with a hammer and chisel.
8. Tesh intimidates Coach Mike Ditka.
9. Tesh keeps Michael Smalley as an errand boy.
10. In 1978 Tesh had a stare down with coach Jimmy Johnson to see who’s hair would lay down… they are still staring at each other.
Peace”

We are all looking forward to John’s show tonight with our friend Michael Smalley. I can’t wait to see what happens.

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What Would You Do? Where Are Your Priorities?

As a pastor I get pulled many different directions and Fathers day weekend I had a decision to make. One thing on my calendar was a wedding and rehearsal. When I was asked to do the wedding a month and a half earlier I checked my calendar and did not see anything that weekend so I told them I was clear. However, I was not.

My son Braiden and I are baseball junkies. We love going to Astros games, usually two or three a summer. Braiden especially loves Friday games because the Astros have Friday Night Fireworks at Minute Made Park. This baseball season is special because the Yankees and the Red Sox are both coming to Houston for the first time in interleague play. The demand for tickets to these games was so high that you had to put your name in a lottery to win the opportunity to buy tickets. I was one of the lucky ones picked and purchased our tickets back in February and put the dates on my calendar.

The problem is that I am a little dyslexic when it comes to dates, months and numbers. I put the Yankee game on my calendar on July 13. The problem, the game was on June 13, the same night as the aforementioned wedding rehearsal. I discovered my mistake while watching Baseball Tonight on ESPN when they mentioned that Yankee pitcher Jaba Chamberlain’s next start was Friday, June 13, IN HOUSTON. I checked the web and realized my mistake. Now the question was “what to do?” What would you do?

In my eyes there was only one thing for me to do. I contacted the couple and informed them that I would not be at the rehearsal. It was not about the game, it was about my boy. This couple will not remember that the pastor did not make their wedding rehearsal, my son would always remember that I canceled our trip to see the Yankees in Houston, something he had been looking forward to for months.

The result. The bride and groom were great and understood. (Oh, and the wedding went off the next morning without a hitch. Well almost, the bride was not happy with her hair so we started a few minutes late, but that had nothing to do with my absence at the rehearsal). Braiden and I had a blast. Braiden almost got a ball during batting practice and got to see Jeter hit a HR.  

So, what would you do in a similar situation, when you have to choose between disappointing your family or disappointing your boss, friends, co-workers? For me it is a no brainier.

How could you disappoint this face?

Friday Night Fireworks.

 

I Got A Mandle for Father’s Day

This Father’s Day I got some very special gifts. I got a special made Star Wars comic from Braiden, a special story about me that Kailee made on the Playhouse Disney website, and a new Black&Decker toaster oven so I don‘t have to crank up the big oven just to fix a bagel or English muffin. Last year I got a Panini Maker and Braiden caused a stir at church when he told his All Star Kid’s Class that he got me a Bikini Maker.

But this year I got something else that was really cool. A Mandle!! Don’t know what a Mandle is? It's a manly man’s candle!! Check out this commercial.

Mollie was giddy when when she handed me the box with my Father’s Day gift. I opened the box and inside was a card which read:

Caution

This gift may create..

A sudden desire to do karate.

A sudden desire to kill someone using only your pinky finger.

A sudden desire to order the Total Gym.

Yes. This is the gift you have always wanted…

 

Inside was a Chuck Norris Sweat Mandle!!! And now I know why Chuck is so popular, his sweat smells like fresh baked sugar cookies.

Actually Mandles is a spoof video made by BlueFishTV.com

BlueFishTV is a great company that has different teaching resources and funny illustration videos. We sometimes use their stuff as a creative teaching resource at church. The Sunday before Father's Day I ended our service with the Mandle video to promote the following weekend at Parkway. I closed by joking that I was expecting a Chuck Norris Sweat Mandle for Father’s Day.

Of course Mandles are not an actual product, Mollie had to “make” me one, which made it even more special. They even have a realistic BuyMandles.com website. Some times the best gifts are not baught but hand made from the heart. However if you find “real Mandles” somewhere let me know.

Braiden's Baseball

Growing up I was big into Little League Base Ball. It was my main sport. I even made the 11-12 year old All Star team. But Braden’s team did something that I never did, they won first place in their league with a record of 13-1-1, three games ahead of the second place team. They even had a ceremony before the Little League Championship Game where they received their first place trophies. It was a great experience this season with three wonderful coaches (all members of our church) who loved the kids and helped bring out the best in each of them, which is what a coach is suppose to do.

Death’s Salty Hands Comes A Knocking

I recently had a brush with death, one of the most scary experiences in my entire life. And NO, it had nothing to do with my motorcycle.

I was watching game one of the Spurs/Lakers series. The game was in LA so it was on later than usual, about 11:00 PM, and I knew I should not be eating anything, but a game is just not a game with out snacking. I got a glass of ice tea (my drink of choice) and grabbed a bag of chips from pantry. They were Julios Corn Tortilla Chip, something new my mom found and liked so she got me a bag. They had a different seasoning with a hint of lime, not at all like any tortilla chip I have had before. Did not particularly like them but unconsciously keep eating as the game progressed. Then it happened…the unthinkable…I thought I was going to die. Somehow the Spurs blew a 20+ point lead in the 3rd quarter and lost the game!!! My two favorite teams lost, the Spurs and anyone playing the Lakers. Disgusted I went to bed. Little did I know what was coming next.

I was sound a sleep and dreaming, when all of a sudden I snapped awake. It was about 1:30 AM and there was a burring in my chest that went all the way up to the back of me throat. It tasted like those chip I was eating. I felt like I was going to throw-up so I sprang from the bed for the bathroom. About the time I found the toilet I came to a frightening realization, I could not breath. My throat was not only on fire it had closed up. Seriously, no oxygen was getting through. It dawned on me that it must be acid reflux (which I have never had) combined with an allergic reaction to those stinking tortilla chips!! I thought “great, this is how I am going to die“, not on my motorcycle, not getting hit in the head with a softball, not in a deer blind, but with my head in a toilet killed by an allergic reaction to some bad tortilla chips.

I have friends that are allergic to nuts, bee stings and shell fish among other things. They all carry an EpiPen, which is this big honken horse needle with a massive syringe looking thing filled with epinephrine (a.k.a. adrenaline) that you take and jab into yourself when you have an allergic reaction. I use to think “There is no way I could stick that thing in my leg!! I would rather just die!” Let me tell you, that night doubled over the toilet not being able to breath I was thinking “Give me a damn EpiPen!!!” I would have jabbed it where ever I needed to if it meant breathing again. I did not care where, my leg, my arm, right or left cheek (uper or lower set), my temple, my eye, name the body part and I would not have thought twice about pulling the gray cap and driving it home. (For a funny YouTube demonstration on how to use a EpiPen with a Star Wars twist click here).  To see a guy use one for the first time click here.

Then another rush of acid hit my throat and I coughed, and when I coughed I realized that for few seconds I could breathe. So I coughed again and caught another breath. Now about this time Mollie heard me in the bathroom and sprung out of bed. Her first question was “Do you feel sick? Are you ok? “ But she was still about half asleep so it came out “Duu goo feee ick? Aww gooo ouukk?”

Of course I tried to answer, but I still could not get a full breath so all that came out was “I caa breee…” before I ran out of air and had to cough to get another breath, which prompted Mollie to ask “You can what?”

“No…can’t bre…..”
“Can’t Bre…what?
“Can’t bree…”
“What can’t you do?”

This went on for about a minute until my throat stated to open back up and I was able to breath and speak again. it was about ten minutes before I could breathe normal. Once I got some deep breaths I went back to bed, but my throat was still on fire with the taste of those chips.

The next morning Mollie and I were talking about my episode. I mentioned how I wish we had an EpiPen cause I was so desperate to breath that I would have stuck myself.

“Oh, you mean this?” She said as she proceeded to pull an EpiPen from the bathroom drawer that was within arms reach of where I was crouched over the porcelain alter fighting for life the night before. I’m like “you have got to be freaking kidding me. We have one of those things?”

Now normally I end my blog with some profound thought, life analogy or funny twist. There is one here, I know there is, however right now I am still freaked out that I almost became the poster boy for having an EpiPen handy around the house and knowing where it is. O.k. now that I know where it is somebody pass the chips, (just not THOSE chips).